Childhood Memories - Three Man Slingshot

Growing up, few things were as exciting as implements of destruction purchased or created under the guise of recreation. The Crumps, who happened to be the nucleus of my childhood gang of miscreants, had possession of one such device: the three man slingshot.

Not many people I've spoken with have a clear understanding of the three man slingshot so before we continue I feel it's prudent to explain how it works. Imagine if you will an enormous rubber band. There are two handholds on either end of the band created with nylon grips. In the center, spanning the doubled band, was another nylon piece that formed a pocket large enough to hold a small water balloon or a fist-sized rock. Two people stand holding the grips on either side of the band while a third pulls back the center pocket, loads it, and releases. There are, of course, dozens of ways to increase velocity, accuracy, and collateral carnage but those tips are hard won and ours alone. No one likes to give up trade secrets.

One may ask how long a three man slingshot holds its charm. If all you're going to do is shoot it randomly, not very long. We developed several games and variations that increased the longevity of our slingshot well past the initial purchase price:

Water Balloon Catch: Three of us would stand in the road in front of the Crump's house and lob water balloons up the street. Three yards away, the rest of us would mill around waiting to catch them as they came screaming back to earth. This game was quite a bit of fun provided you didn't actually catch the balloon. One of us, Robert, tried to catch one like a football once, trapping it expertly on his chest and cupping his arms into it. Robert flipped in the air, landed flat on his back, and couldn't breath for at least a minute. The size of the bruise covering his chest only convinced us that this was one of the greatest games we ever invented.

Shoot the Neighbor's House: This game was also played with water balloons unless we ran out, whereupon we used rocks. The object of this game was to hit the kid down the street's house (he used to get grounded for trading his mom bad baseball cards if you're asking why, but that's a different story) with as much commotion and ruckus as possible, then run behind the Crump's house to hide until the heat was off. We could play this game for hours. In one of our finest sessions, we managed not only to dent one of their cars but also to break a window with a water balloon. When questioned about this later, our explanation that we were actually shooting rocks at the house and not water balloons (a blatant lie that time) only made matters worse as a broken water balloon leaves certain, soggy evidence in its wake.

Two Man - Three Man Slingshot: We generally played this game when there weren't enough of us to fully man the three man slingshot. This involved tying the slingshot to a tree or mailbox with one person holding the other side and the second man pulling and loading. The enjoyment from this game came from the fact that you could spin the ballast coming from the slingshot depending on how high the it was tied or what angle the other person holding it stood. This was especially useful for Slingshot Baseball.

Slingshot Baseball: Self explanatory. What seemed a brilliant idea turned out to be not so attractive once you got hit with a pitch.

As you can see, the possibilities were endless. However, one particular instance stands out in my mind as the sole reason for purchasing the three man slingshot, the reason we were destined to obtain and use it.

One year it snowed, which in Alabama is a fairly rare occurrence. The snow was wet and slushy, perfect for packing into ice balls for missiles. After shooting several, we decided to try a larger ice ball that another friend, Tyler, had been packing for several minutes. With Michael and I, the two biggest of our crew, holding point for the slingshot Patrick slowly pulled the slingshot back, inching back by digging his heels in and sliding his butt as he pulled on the center pocket. With great reverence, Tyler gave his ice ball to Patrick, who then proceeded to load it. The excitement built as we prepared to unleash our frozen terror on an unsuspecting neighborhood. Suddenly, Robert popped up in between Michael and I. Leaning his face down, he asked in a goofy voice, "Hu, hu; do ya think this'd hurt?" Time stood still. Robert smiled. So did Patrick. Then Patrick released the slingshot. Time slowly began to gain speed as the ice ball smashed Robert in the face. With a light arch Robert fell backwards into the snow. It's highly possible it broke his nose, although we couldn’t actually check for fear of having our slingshot confiscated by unsympathetic parents. Cuts, some fine and some deeper, spread away from the point of impact right between his eyes. He chased Patrick for a good ten minutes while we all laughed. For some reason, hearing Robert threaten to kill Patrick in his mushy post-strike voice and flail around blindly for him was almost as hilarious as the actual impact. It was truly a day which will live in infamy.

Having access to a three man slingshot made us all better people. I haven't seen one for sale for a very long time but if I do, I'm buying two because you never know when the need may arise for the mayhem and destruction that only a three man slingshot can provide.